Hey, y'all!

Obviously, I have pretty much abandoned this poor blog. Sorry, baby! With the fam and the stuff and the things, it's difficult to keep up with everything. Good news, though! There is somewhere you can still cyber-stalk me if you so desire. Just head over to my blog on Tumblr. If you aren't familiar with Tumblr, come check it out. It's super fun. For reals, yo. Short entries, which means more posts and more free time. Well, more free time to stalk other people on Tumblr. Seriously, I don't own stock in it or anything.

But seriously, head on over. We'll have lots of fun!

You almost have to chew it.

Why, yes. Yes, I do enjoy flavor. And no. No, I do not give a rat's ass about calories.

I turn 30 in 3.5 hours, so I'm enjoying a beer. Nay, the best beer in the world. WHAT.

A question for those who get massages...

I know... I haven't been around much. This summer went by so fast! I spent most of it hanging with the kids, because my oldest (my daughter, who is now 4!) just started pre-school yesterday and I wanted to spend every available second with her, and my little guy, too. :-) Plus, who wants to sit in front of a computer when its 90 degrees out and there's a swing set and a kiddie pool in the backyard?

I will have more time in the coming months to keep this lil' ol' blog updated, but for now I just have a quick question for anyone who cares to comment. My birthday is coming up on Monday, and I'm turing 30!!! I'm actually kind of excited, and don't really have too much anxiety about leaving my 20s behind. Not too much, anyway. I'm totally going to rock 30. My hubby is taking the day off and got me a gift certificate for a full body massage! Woo hoo! I've only had one massage in my life, and it was akward and wierd, so I'm pretty much starting from scratch. I have one big question... do you strip down to your birthday suit or leave anything on? I don't want this to cause more stress than it is meant to relieve! So what is it, people? Naked or not?

Oops! Edited to add: And would a novice massage-getter be better off with a Swedish massage or a deep-tisssue? Pros and cons of each? Thanks for any advice!! :-)

Could I be... growing... as a person?

I've found myself quite boy-crazy as of late. Not that this is anything new. I've pretty much been boy crazy since 3rd grade. But what is new is the type of boys I find myself crazy for. Now let's get one thing straight. I am happily married to the most perfect man in all the world. These are celebrity crushes only, because frankly, I'm a spaz. I find most people repulsive in real life, and have very few, if any "real guy" crushes. And if I meet someone who seems to be "putting out the vibe" I freak out and run away. I'm lucky I met the hubby when I did, because otherwise I'd be a single gal in my single gal apartment, crocheting and watching "Tim and Eric Awesome Show: Great Job!" with my cats, wondering why I can't meet anyone who gets me.

...

It was the late 1980s, and I had a deep, dark secret. All the girls in my class were gushing over guys like Kirk Cameron or Scott Baio or Tom Cruise. Gross. My crush was on a man from a show that was over 20 years old and being shown on Nick at Night. You know, stuff old people watched.

I've written about my crush on Mike Nesmith before, so I'm not going to go too in-depth here. Needless to say he's delicious. His tall, dark and handsomeness (but not too handsome or cute - lookin' at you DAVY JONES) was ultra appealing to me, and the fact that he was kind of quiet and brooding and mysterious just made him even better. He wasn't the one the girls fainted in front of, and he wasn't a clown. He had dignity. He had class. And he had my heart. And since he was really the first guy to make me feel all funny and mushy in those oh-so-formative years, this "type" really stuck.

I wasn't SO counter-culture back then to not have had a few mainstream crushes. There were the Coreys (Feldman, mostly), River Pheonix, and Jonathan Knight. Well, Jonathan was sort of mainstream. Everyone else was oogling over Joey or Jordan, but I fell for the tall, shy, mysterious one. He didn't put himself out there like the others and that was compelling. Turns out it's because the screaming *girl* fans just didn't do it for him, but whatever. I still love you, Jonathan. You may have been my first gay-boy crush, but you weren't the last. It's not like I whip out a little note pad and check off qualifications before I decide if someone is cute, but I've come to realize if there are not at least 4 of the 5 following traits present, there is no attraction.

1. Tall (Benicio Del Toro. See also: 2)
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2. Dark (Jason Schwartzman. See also: 3, 4)
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3. Skinny
Adrien Brody (See also: 1, 2, 4)

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4. Big and/or crooked and/or bumpy noseDemetri Martin (See also: 1, 2, 3)

..........

5. Slight overbite

Jeff Goldblum (See also: 1, 2, 3, 4)

This is the basic template for any man I have found attractive for the last 20 years. It doesn't make me shallow, it's just how it is. My husband, Trent Reznor, Vince Vaughn, Penn Jillette, George Harrison, Dave Gahan, every member of Duran Duran... They have all been the same "type". Until recently. It started a few years ago when I was watching Peter Dinklage in The Station Agent and found myself thinking, "He is awesome. And kind of sexy, too. Wait, WHAT?!?" He sooo goes against my type! Then I just chalked it up to thinking he was sexy because he was just so awesome. I slowly had to admit, "No, I don't just want to hang out and play cards with this guy. I kinda wanna make out with him." And that seemed ok. It was ok to like a little person when any ogre over 6'3" could make me sweat. Right? You're damn right. You watch Living in Oblivion, then The Baxter, then The Station Agent, and see how you feel about him. Meow.

Around the same time, the hubby and I rented the first disc of "The Office: Series One" from Netflix. I was a naiive little girl who had never heard of the genius Ricky Gervais, and was about to have my world rocked. From the first episode I was hooked. Too bad there wasn't anyone sexy to look at. Martin Freeman is kinda cute, so I pretened I was Dawn. But every time Ricky came on the screen it was pure perfection. So what if I didn't find him attractive; I could still find him AMAZING. And the more I learned about him, the more I decided he was probably as close to the most perfect human being as one could get. Funny, brilliant, atheist, British with a dark sense of humor... Then I discovered he was in a NEW WAVE BAND?!? Again, I've already covered this, but it deserves to be said again. WATCH IT.


I seriously forget where I am when I watch that. *Sigh*

So... OK, where were we? Oh, yeah. He's awesome, but not attractive to me, blah blah blah. But he WAS attractive. Very, VERY attractive. Then I saw an ad for the Golden Globes that he was to host, and he was in a suit and a couple days' worth of stubble. Hmm... kinda cute... In fact, very cute. Fast forward to a few months later and he's all I can think about. He's the first against-type guy I've wanted to make out with, then marry and have babies with.

It has actually taken me a while to be comfortable with this. I've just been so used to being attracted to the kind of guys I've always been attracted to, that I couldn't even admit to myself I may be becoming more open minded. And I may have opened the flood gates. There are a whole bunch of people out there that are more attractive than the (long gone) 17 year old VegKat would ever admit.

There are the silver foxes:

(See also: really old guys)
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The obnoxious Type A personalities:(See also: silver foxes, tall, skinny, overbite)

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The really old guys:(See also: silver foxes)

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And the women:Ok, so maybe I'm not becoming more open minded, just turning into a horny old(ish) lady. But... I can actually tolerate The Smiths now, and actually have one of their songs on my iPod. So that shows growth, right? And I used to wish the White Stripes would be eaten by the Bermuda Triangle, and now I'm in love with them. Doesn't hurt that Jack White has like all of the 5 magic traits...

Taking the fun out of funeral.

I had a pretty interesting and exhausting weekend. I had to travel back to the old homestead to attend a funeral. Boo, funerals. This one wasn't as trying as a normal funeral generally is, but it was still emotional, nonetheless. It was for my schizophrenic grandfather, a man I barely knew. As a child I would visit my grandparents' farm, and he was almost like an extra on the set of a movie. I honestly don't have any memory of any kind of interaction with him. Then when I was about 12, my Gramama left because she couldn't take it anymore. So in the last 17 years or so, the only time I saw him was at my great-grandma's funeral about 10 years ago. He didn't acknowledge me, and I wonder if he even knew who I was. I debated whether or not I should even mention anything in this blog about my weekend, because it was such a private, emotional time. And maybe someday I'll go into more detail about him and how he lived his life, completely detatched from reality. But for now I'll leave it at that, and just share a couple pics of the house he died in. This is not the farm from my childhood; he somehow aquired another farm and decided to live there, without electricity, plumbing or furnature. Sharing pics from the house my grandmother raised her family and where I spent so many formative years seems too personal right now.As you can see, he didn't live like anyone you probably know. Truth is, none of us knew him, either.

An open letter to Dunkin' Donuts

Just submitted to DunkinDonuts.com. You are dead to me, Dunkin' Donuts.

"I recently signed up for your DD Perks program and was pleasantly surprised to recieve a coupon in the mail yesterday for a free cup of coffee. However, when I went to redeem it today, after barely a glance, the girl behind the window said they "don't take those." Since this is not the first time I have been disapointed in your service, I would like to be taken off your DD Perks list and would prefer not to recieve anything from you in the future. They probably wouldn't be accepted in my local store, anyway.

In the past, I have orderd coffee with sugar and upon tasting it several miles down the road realized it had been sweetened with artificial sweetener. I don't consume artificial sweeter because 1) it tastes horrible and 2) it makes me physically ill. I have also had coffee that tasted like the coffee maker hadn't been cleaned in months. I sometimes ask for blueberry flavoring, and have recieved everything from nothing, to caramel to flavors I couldn't even place. I have even been charged for large drinks and been handed smalls. I am actually embarassed I have continued to purchase your products for this long.

I realize it's only coffee, but it is your business, and customer satisfaction should be your most important concern. From now on, I will be getting my coffee from the locally owned shop down the road. They have never messed up an order, use more environmentally friendly products, and frankly have better coffee."

Water balloons and anarchy.

I do apologize for being so crabby in the last post, so here's something to cheer everyone up. Here are my two favorite skits from one of my favorite shows, "The Whitest Kids U Know".

Water Balloons:



Anarchy:



Hee hee! Giggle giggle!