Add gardening to the list of things I ROCK at.

My favorite part of the year is when the daffodils poke their green little heads out of my rock garden around Valentine's Day. Once that happens, spring is on it's way! YAY! Then the tulips, then the lilies of the valley, then the roses, tiger lilies, etc. The old couple who lived in my house before me were gardening wizards. Every moment, from spring to fall, there is some kind of perennial blooming in my yard. It's pretty much awesome. So every year I get a bee in my bonnet and for some reason think I can not only handle the task I inherited from the previous owners, but, what the hell? I can have a full vegetable garden, too! There was one left here in the sunny corner of my yard, I just have to go out and pull the weeds before they get out of hand, and I'd be set. Just picture evenly plowed rows of soil just overflowing with beautiful green foliage, heavy fruits hanging on trellises and obviously not a weed in sight. I'm sure you can imagine how this is going to end...

This year I was all set. I had my seed starting kit with 3 (yes THREE) packs of organic green bean seeds. There is a (teeny tiny) farmer's market in town where I was going to pick up some tomato plants, and probably some onion sets. Then my neighbor was telling me how delicious fresh carrots are. YUMMY! And my mom regales me with the nostalgic memory of sneeking into the neighbor's sweet pea field with her brothers and sister to sit down in the dirt and eat the fresh peas right out of the pod. "You'll never taste anything so wonderful." OK! Sign me up! It doesn't matter that the only food I've ever grown were a few roma tomatoes in a container last year, does it? Oh, and I started a worm composting bin so they could eat my leftovers and produce wonderfully rich compost for the fantastic organic vegetables I'll be growing for my family. Think of all the money I'll save, too!

When the ground was ready, I got started. Got all the weeds taken care of. Stuck some bean seeds in the starter pods. Turned the soil over and enriched it with straw and peet moss. By this point I'd already decided to nix the carrots and peas. It's just too much for this year. I'll get the hang of tomatoes, onions and beans this year, then add carrots and peas next year. I was so pumped!

Then I forgot to water my bean seeds. Not for a day. Not for two days. For almost a month. I took them down to the basement to set them on my deep freeze when I had a few guests over so they wouldn't have to look at my trays of dirt. Oops. Guess I won't be planting beans. That's ok, because now it's time to pick up some farmer's market tomato and onion plants and get going with those. At least I'll be able to make a kick ass spaghetti sauce, right? Oh, wait. He doesn't sell onion sets. Damn. But that's ok, because I'll focus all my energy on having the best tomato plants in town. All my neighbors will be so jealous. I dug 3 little holes for my precious triplets and lovingly placed them in the ground with help from my 3 year old daughter. We ran into several worms, and the brave little girl not only got over her fear of them (which she had developed a couple months before after seeing them wiggle out after a rainstorm), but she became obsessed with holding them and letting them wiggle in her hand. So that was awesome! Anyhoo, we watered the tomatoes and being the good little mommy I am I even covered them that night because it was supposed to get a little chilly. Awww...

Well, it's been about 6 weeks or so since getting them in the ground, and lets just say I'm a better mommy to my babies than I am to my plants. I can't even imagine what my kids would look like if I treated them like my poor "garden". They would be choked with weeds, and the feral neighborhood stray cats would probably be using them for a litter box. Take a look at this. Can you even see a garden here?!?


Here. I'll help you out with my awesome artwork. Did I mention I'm a graphic designer? Microsoft Paint is my specialty.


Soooo embarassing. But I'm teaching my children a life lesson, right? All the gardening gurus say it's great for your kids to learn where food comes from and how much hard work goes into making food, but the reward is delicious food. I'm kind of afraid of what completely messed up message is working it's way to their impressionable little brains. Oh, well. I do have something to show for it, I guess. There are about half a dozen plump little tomato fetuses hanging from the plants, so who knows? Maybe I'll still be the envy of the neighborhood. Or not so much...