Let's all calm down.

A while ago, a comment was left on a post I had written months ago. I made a (admittedly bad... and grody) joke about men menstruating and probably needing to visit a proctologist. An annonymous person wrote: "i just got the sense that the comment was made with transphobic sentiment, and saw it as an opportunity for a teachable moment", mentioning how some men are born with female genetalia and don't have the means to change that. I promptly appologized and stated I had no intention of being transphobic. But I would like to elaborate...

I am, in no way whatsoever racist, homophobic, transphobic, sexist or any other kind of -ist or -phobic. When it comes to people, that is. And only when it comes to how a person is born, and it's something they can't change. I'm a white, straight female. But I'm not racist. My first BFF ever was actually the only black girl in my school system. And I think people's sex lives and personal relationships are their own business. I've actually had the occasional girl-crush. Who hasn't? But if I meet a Latina who's a total bitch, yeah, I'm probably not going to be her best friend. And if a gay cellist calls my husband and me an "ugly couple who are meant for each other", I'm probably going to want to punch that fat queen in the face. And we're not ugly, by the way. But if the white, straight female who lives next door lets her dogs bark all day, I'm going to think she's a total hag, too.

I don't know any transexuals, so it's not something that I think of very often. Hower, I do know they exist and thing they have every right to be happy and treated right as anyone else. I'm empathetic to their situation, and can't imagine the pain one woule have to go through to live every day feeling that uncomfortable with their own body and identity. Hell, I sometimes have issues with my own body. Overall, though, I love my body and am comfortable in my own skin. And I'm very thankful for that. I've learned to love my "child-bearing hips" which I was told I had in SEVETH GRADE by my best friend's dad. (Ewww.) And I love my "David Bowie" teeth (pre-veneers), and wouldn't think of getting them "fixed". But I don't know what I would do if I had a penis, but was still the same person inside. It's a sensitive issue, and I'm sure difficult to deal with.

Now, here comes the part where I may come off like a bitch. When one is part of such a small minority, one has to accept that (as best as we can), and learn to deal. Let some things slide off our backs. We? Wait, I'm a middle-class, straight white gal living in the 'burbs with my husband and 2 kids. But, I'm also a vegetarian. And a "natural" mom. And an atheist. I don't always (or EVER) fit in with the other moms at the library story time. Or my husband's boss's winter party. Or Thanksgiving diner at my mom's house. In fact, I don't know ANYONE like me. And it's frustrating as hell. But I've HAD to adapt. HAD to accept that when I go to someone's house for dinner, the only thing I may be eating is a dinner roll and carrot sticks. When the other moms at the library are talking about how much they loved their epidurals and I say I had 2 kids without drugs, I get looks like I'm some kind of sado-masochistic tree-hugging freak. (And what's wrong with that?) But I just smile and know I did the best thing for myself and my children.

The worst thing, by far, in other people's minds, is my atheism. (I may ramble and rant here, so bear with me.) That's something that's not really "chosen", and relates most to this post. I could no more be a church going Christian girl than I could be a dude. I'm just not a person who can be led by blind faith. I love science. I love reason. If you want me to believe in something, show it to me. Prove it to me. I'm not going to get into my person feelings on religion; this is not the time nor the place. This is about predjudice. When I was in 7th grade, it got out that I was an atheist. You wouldn't believe the amount of hatred that was directed toward me. And in a class size of 120, I really stuck out like a sore thumb, and was called "atheist bitch" for years. Thankfully I didn't lose any friendships over it then, but have had people turn against me and our friendship later on. For some reason people get scared when they hear you don't believe there is a god. Then the questions start. "So what DO you believe?" "What do you think happens after you die?" "You actually believe in evolution? You know it's only a theory, right?" Yeah, so is gravity, and the sun being the center of our solar system. Theory has two meanings, and the scientific meaning is different than the philosophical one. Look it up. As for the other questions, I have answered them far too many times and am tired of them.

And as for the terminology used to describe atheists, I just like atheist. There are humanists. Secularists. Unitarian Universalists. Etc, etc, etc. But I'm an atheist. As in a-theism. Meaning no-religion. And I'm sick of it being a dirty word. (I do, however like the term free-thinker, and am planning a rad tattoo soon based on this term, because it can apply to all facets of my life, not just religion.)

So when I say I feel for minorities, and can empathize with being chastized for who you are, some people look at my situation without really knowing me and laugh. I look like a slice of apple pie; what could I possibly be discriminated against? Well, atheism is probably the most feared and hated (or at least distrusted) minority. And I feel it. Every day when I drive past a church, or someone says, "God bless you", or I see someone wearing a gold cross around their neck. But, because nearly 98% of every human I've ever had contact with is probably Christian, I have to let it roll of my back. Of course, I could buy a gold necklace that says "Athiest", and that would be awesome. (Go here, it's beautiful: http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_1&listing_id=31966298) But I guess I just care too much about other people's feelings. My family would be offended by my blatent lack of religion, and of course now I have my children to think of. I would hate for them to be the "weird atheist kids" and have them go through anything like I did. I do, however, sport a scarlet "A" button on my bag for The Out Campaign, started by the amazing and brilliant Richard Dawkins. It's unassuming, and doen't totally rat me out to the masses, but I do hope someday I'll be in the grocery store or at a restaurant and a like-minded person will recognize it and comment.

I also have some sweet-ass buttons from Krista (just thought I'd throw these in for fun):I also can't get pissed everytime I drive past the golden arches or see a commercial on TV for a dripping, disgusting hamburger that is making everyone fat and diabetic. I just murmmer, "Gross" and ignore it. When I moved to the small-ish town I now reside in, we were driving around with our realtor looking at houses. She said, "Oh, we have lots of good restaurants here in town. Italian, Mexican, lots of stuff." My husband said, "Katie is a vegetarian, do you know of any places that are vegetarian friendly?" Her reply was, "Oh, the place downtown has a good fish dinner. And during Lent you can find lots of fish." I just rolled my eyes and said, "Sorry, don't eat fish, either." But I couldn't get mad at her for her ignorance. Then we were driving past a church and she said, "I don't know what you guys are, but we have pretty much everything here. Lutheran, Baptist, Catholic. Pretty much everything." Ok, what about a synagogue? Or a mosque? It annoyed me that she thought "most Christian churches" were "pretty much everything." But I just ignored it, nodded and smiled.

So I guess what I'm getting at, in a very long-winded way, is that when you are part of a minority that is a tremedously small amount of the population, you have to realize that not everybody is always going to be thinking of your feelings. When I posted a recipe and said it was super duper easy, I didn't stop to think that it might not be easy for a person with no arms to open a can of cream of mushroom soup. Does that mean I discriminate against people with no arms? Absolutely not. But one can't cater to all groups of people all the time.

To the person who commented on my post: I am not ranting at you. You just provoked thoughts that I needed to share. Your comment was in no way insulting and was actually quite polite. I do appreciate you commenting, but what I had originally posted was a joke. And I can't very well go around to all the Christian blogs and tell them they are atheistist. Or atheophobes. And I can't write McDonald's complaining they don't meet my needs as a vegetarian. We just have to surround ourselves with like-minded people who get us. And if there aren't any around, we have to make some up and have tea parties with our invisible vegetarian, atheist, transgendered, armless friends and help them lift their teacups.